When we have a partner, we look for the happiness we so desire in it. We are in love, we feel exhilarated and we put all our dreams and hopes into the relationship, no matter how old we are, 15 or 60. But sometimes things do not work out as we would like and when the time comes, the relationship ends, our beloved He goes and leaves us. How to face the new situation, so painful and difficult? Unless it was you who wanted to put land in the middle and run away from your partner at all costs, the vast majority of people go through this situation in a traumatic way, surfacing disappointments, insecurities, resentments and pain, which can reach be very deep 
Why do we feel so much pain? It is not only because we have lost our better half, the one who brought us happiness, who gave us company, love, security… We can also feel bad about an emotional dependency that we had unconsciously created with our partner and that, at break, we find ourselves with the reality of having to manage on our own in the day to day of our existence (without him).
To get out of the sentimental hole where we fell, we can feel good even if this person is no longer by our side, if we follow these steps:
Step 1Know what is happening to you
- In a common way, almost all of us go through some stages after a breakup. The first is that of disbelief. We are stunned and we do not believe it. We try to have contact with the loved one, and this causes us pain. If you can talk about it with a friend or family member, you will surely feel better and you will be able to order your thoughts. The next phase is that of frustration and sadness. This is when we feel the greatest pain and can become tormented by what has happened to us.
- Then we can reach the stage of lack of control and disorganization, and we just want to go out, have fun., change our image or even want to change cities. The feeling is that of wanting to make up for lost time and break with everything. Finally, the final phase is that of serenity, assuming that we are without a partner and that we want to recover our life in a happy way, discovering the advantages of being without a partner, and opening ourselves to making new friends. It is when anger and guilt leave our lives and the memory of the person becomes less painful.
Step 2 Negative Thoughts
- That come to you over and over again and lead to more negative thoughts. Delete them! How?… Write down in a notebook what thoughts you have when you feel bad. What does your mind tell you?: I am not capable of being alone, I need that person to be happy, I was not good enough for him, he has abandoned me, he has gone with someone other than me, what are they going to think of me the others, I will not be able to find another love, I have many defects…
- Whatever it is, write it down. So you get him out of yourself and you don’t have to carry his weight from him. You will see that after a few days, or a few weeks, and reading them again you will notice that you have changed since then, for the better.
Step 3 Question the truth of your mind
Who really makes you suffer, the person who left or what you think this means to you? We know that accepting this is quite hard, because it may be the story that you have put together in your head that is hurting you, and not your ex-. Ask yourself the following questions: “without him you won’t be able to be happy again?”, “Is it so hard to be alone?”, “Do you need someone to be happy?”, “Aren’t you going to find another partner?”. you only have to answer yes or no and you yourself will have the answer to your doubts.
Step 4. Be patient
We tell you: you should not expect to overcome the breakup in two days, nor in two weeks. Go through your pain calmly and maturely, to be able to keep the best of the relationship and learn from it, to avoid making the same mistakes in your future new relationship (which we assure you that you will have). Distance and time are necessary to understand the causes of the break. Now that the relationship has ended you must recover your well-being. Are you able to see that from now on you will have more time for yourself, and do things that you like or that you put aside? You will be able to read the books you wanted to read, watch the programs you like… find your space.
Step 5. Avoid dependency
Avoid clinging to the tie that bound you to him, hoping that everything will go back to the way it was before, thinking that he will return to you. Try not to call him, do not send him e-mails, do not find him, do not ask acquaintances about him… Delete him from your Facebook, from your list of contacts, from your mobile phone… So avoid the memory of him come by surprise Change gyms, shop in another store, have fun in other pubs… get out of the environment where you were with him, even momentarily, while you’re getting over the breakup. You must realize that perhaps you centered your life around him, and now you must learn to center your life around you and regain your own space.
Step 6. Distract yourself and treat yourself
Why not? Finish that collection of CD’s that you had half finished, dare to change your look at the trendy hairdresser, spend the day at a Spa, join the gym for Pilates classes… The options are endless and all aimed at making you feel better “by yourself” without depending on your company. If you feel that sadness floods you at some point, give yourself that whim, or at least change the activity you were doing. Avoid negative and sad thoughts from entering you, whenever you can. Little by little you will discover that your self-esteem is rising and you are once again the wonderful person that everyone was waiting for.